Friday, January 20, 2017

Two People, One Apartment and 60 Episodes to Edit

A few hours ago, one thought crossed my mind - it's the middle of January and I've already changed three living spaces since the beginning of the New Year. Whoa, that's pretty spectacular, if you're asking me...but also a subject we'll cover in depth in a few days when I tell you all about my Zagreb great city escape.


A few days ago, my Bonton editor and I were sitting at the table, working on the latest episodes, more than two weeks in a row. It was a crazy cold day and we literally haven't left the tiny and ugly apartment where we're currently working and living while in Zagreb. And as I was observing us, in that small, demotivating and terribly far away from the city centre place, I said out loud - we're like two people put together in a social experiment.

Sure, we're most definitely not strangers to each other because we've been colleagues for years and for the past couple of months, while we were filming the series we lived in the same hotel, but this situation is something completely different.
Not to mention that I was fully unprepared for it because we've been put in a place where we're not only living together in a really small space that literally has NO privacy at all but also have to work in that same enviroment every single day in a row.

As you can imagine, things get quite monotone after a few days.
No matter how cool you are with each other.
No matter how many things in common you have.
No matter how much you love your job.
No matter how many glasses of Jagermeister you drink.
No matter how much work gets done.

A month long adventure that can seem like an endless drive, especially when you're experiencing one of those weird days. And we all tend to have them, no matter how hard we try to fight it.

One of the reasons why I was so unprepared for this is quite simple - not long ago I ended a five year long relationship (this is the first time I'm mentioning it here on the blog because I simply had no idea how to put it in words up until today) and a big part of me didn't get the chance to heal, to process everything because I was so overwhelmed with work. My mind needed some peace and quiet but couldn't find any.

And here I was, in the middle of postproduction of Bonton, accidentally sharing a place with another guy and at one moment I started to feel crushed. Even though we're most definitely not in a relationship (that's the last thing I need right now) I felt a strong need to escape it all, to run away somewhere...anywhere. More than anything I needed to be alone and I couldn't.

But here comes the surprising part.

When two friends/colleagues share a space together for a certain amount of time, they tend to become closer and closer. So we talked more than before (and we always enjoyed talking to each other). A lot. About everything. Life, work, love, priorities. We're insanely similar in thinking so for the first time in a while I felt understood. Not judged. Approved.

Something that started out as a big pile of mess all of a sudden turned into a healing spot. I talked and there was someone who listened. Someone who understood my love for blogging ('go on, buy that design, you love your blog so much so just do it.'), my passion for work and constant wandering around, someone who didn't point out my weaknesses but brought out my strenghts instead...a person who understood it all.

And just like that I started to feel like my messed up heart is picking up its pieces all over again. I started to heal, in the weirdest situation of all, burdened with so much work related things and life issues with a little big help from the most unexpected person ever. And a big portion of sushi. And pasta. And McQueen and Moschino.

And a little coffee mug that says 'Let life surprise you'.
Sometimes you really have to let the magic in.
It might actually positively surprise you.

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14 comments

  1. I am so sorry to hear about the ending of your relationship. I kind of started to suspect it not too long ago, as you didn't post pictures of him anymore on Insta. Is Frida still a part of your life?

    Cheers to healing alongside good friends - and putting energy into creating mini masterpieces. You are such a strong, talented, beautiful person, and I am so happy to hear that your work has also served as a healing spot!

    xx

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    1. Dear Erika, thank you for being there for me. I wanted to write about this earlier on the blog but it always felt too soon and wrong...the worst thing about the whole thing is that I had to leave Frida with my ex because my daily schedule is too hectic and she would be totally neglected because I'm constantly on the road. I cried for days and days because of that decision because I love Frida more than anyone and each time I see her photo somewhere I start to cry again...ending the relationship wasn't the hard part, leaving Frida was the worst thing I ever had to do and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that.

      But Mario loves Frida so incredibly much and she's so happy with him, happier than she would've ever been with only me and that's the most important thing in this whole story. But it broke my heart into so many pieces.

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  2. Oh Matea I'm so sorry to hear about the end of your relationship! I can totally understand how you wouldn't have had time to heal when you've been so busy - I'm glad you are starting to heal now, lots of love to you <3 xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for caring, Amy, this means so much to me! Ending it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make but some things in life are never easy or pleasant...Have a great weekend, sending you lots of hugs and kisses! xx

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  3. Sorry to hear about the end of your relationship but it seems like you have found a really wonderful friendship. Hope you're okay.

    Corinne x
    www.skinnedcartree.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Corinne. Sometimes amazing friends are all you need in order to get through some messy times :)

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  4. Ponekad je nešto što se čini kao smetnja zapravo prednost...svi mi imamo tu potrebu pobjeći i biti sami u nekim težim trenucima, a zapravo baš nam tada kada smo iscrpljeni emocionalno i svakako, najviše i treba društvo, razgovor i prijateljstvo. Ja sam uvijek bila taj tip koji nije pričao previše o svemu onome što mi se činilo previše privatnim (a veze su uvijek bile u toj najprivatnijoj kategoriji), a zapravo bi bolje bilo da sam nekad i malo popričala s nekim o nekim stvarima...Nisam nikad htjela biti onaj tip koji opterećuje druge sa svojim problemima, ali ako nismo oprezni, onda se na kraju zna dogoditi da nikada s nikim ne pričamo o onome što nas muči- što opet nije dobro. Strašno je bitno imati tu neku osobu s kojom možemo popričati o svemu. Drago mi je da je na kraju ta životna situacija dobro ispala i da je taj 'radni suživot' pomogao da jedno prijateljstvo postane bolje.

    Ova prva fotografija je kao iz neke zimske bajke.:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Slažem se s tobom, ponekad je najbolje izbaciti nešto iz sebe, popričati sa bliskim ljudima i na neki način podijeliti malo tog emocionalnog tereta...najgore je to kad se zatvorimo sami u sebe i mislimo da smo jači od svijeta, da nam nitko i ništa ne treba ili da ćemo sa ignoriranjem problema postići da on nestane. Stvari nikad nisu tako jednostavne :) Kvalitetan razgovor je neprocjenjiv, čak i kad ponekad misliš da je to zadnje što ti treba :)

      Puno ti hvala :)

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  5. Ja ti ne znam reći što, ali sam shvatila da nisi više u paru. Iako vjerujem da znaš da si uradila pravu stvar i da je to to što želiš, dopusti si da malo patiš, plačeš, da budeš izgubljena, treba ti to. Gutanje emocija ne pomaže. Kad ih izbaciš iz sebe, onda će stvari početi da se slažu. I vjerujem da će sve biti dobro :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hvala ti, draga moja, točno to mi i treba sad - malo te izgubljenosti, tišine, preispitivanja sebe i nekih želja...ne želim se praviti da se ništa nije dogodilo i da mi nije bilo teško jer nisam od kamena, čak i kad znamo da smo donijeli pravu odluku, svejedno boli. Ali ne sumnjam da će sve biti dobro, već je :) <3

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  6. I see that the magic coffee mug works. I knew it even before this post...your smile is honest and brave. Keep doing it girl! You deserve it!

    <3 <3 <3

    Your Dragonfly :)

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  7. Jooj, sad se osećam tako glupo jer vidim da su svi iznad mene u komentarima ''znali da se nešto kuva'', a ja sam kao đak koji nije pratio na času. Navikla sam da viđam tebe s Mariom i Fridom u paketu, ali 'ajde, ako već neko mora da napusti trojac, onda glasam da to bude Mario :-D Šalim se malo, vidim da si mi ti dobro, iako se sigurno osećaš jako čudno.
    Nazdravimo novim počecima!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Draga moja, ne bih da pametujem previše na tu temu. Mislim da je hrabro od tebe što si uopšte podelila taj podatak javno. Takvi trenuci i odluke su sve samo ne laki ali i to je za ljude i nešto kroz šta smo svi u manjoj ili većoj meri prošli. Žao mi je mnogo za Fridu jer sam videla u komenataru da nije sa tobom, ali mislim da si donela pravu odluku koliko god bila teška. Iskreno se nadam da si prevalila najteže trenutke i da će te sve te nove pozitivne stvari i dešavanja oko tebe podsetiti da si na pravom putu i da život koliko god ume da bude težak i komplikovan, u isto vreme nas usmerava ka onome što je najbolje za nas i u čemu (i sa kim) se pronalazimo 100%. Većina ljudi ne bi bila hrabra koliko i ti. Sigurna sam da si na dobrom putu i šta da ti kažem osim da uživaš i da izvlačiš maksimum iz svega. Ti to zaslužuješ <3

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Thank you so much for all your lovely comments :)

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