I was standing in front of a mirror (if I remember it correctly), begging for a chance to live.
The dream was twisted as hell and scary as fuck. I woke up before 6 AM, completely traumatized and couldn't go back to sleep. But the good thing about it was the fact that the second I opened my teary eyes I thought about him. Not God if that's what you're thinking, but a man. One quite special man. I remembered some of our awesome moments together and somehow I felt better. More calm.
Later I started googling 'I dreamt I was dying' because I needed any kind of insight into this situation. And it turned out my scary dream wasn't actually so scary at all. Well, at least in reality. I was instantly relieved. According to the numerous amount of astrology sites, this ment I was entering a new phase in life and letting go of so many things from the past that no longer serve me.
Hello, new beginning.
Which in fact is incredibly true.
I guess that's one of the reasons why I've been so anxious and nervous lately. My mind was crazy busy processing everything that has happend over the last couple of months and now it feels like I can breathe freely again. So I jumped into the shower, put on my favourite YSL Opium perfume, opened windows to let the fresh almost-spring air in and turned up the music.
I still don't feel like the most amazing person on the planet, naturally. But I do feel in control.
Dear friends, big changes always come with massive burdens, even if at first you might not be aware of them. I wasn't because I was too busy filming and later editing Bonton. I was actually surprised how amazingly well I was coping with everything but I knew I was gonna need some time alone to think about where my life is going. And that's why I chose to come to Sibenik for a few weeks to recharge.
But don't be afraid to change.
Think things through and see if there's something in your life that doesn't excite you any longer or that makes you feel bad about yourself. Half a year ago I realised my life looked nothing like a life I wanted to live. So I gathered all my strenghts and walked away from it. I never looked back.
I didn't ask for an advice from anyone. I knew what I wanted, how I felt and decided to listen that tiny voice inside of me that kept saying 'you're gonna be fine, love'. And today I am. Better than ever.
Everything around me is a big pile of mess - filmmaking industry is a total chaos in Croatia at the moment but it's given me a chance to rearrange some of my work priorities and also to bring one major decision that I can't wait to tell you more about; I have no fixed adress because I actually don't want it; I finally decided to admit to myself that I really like someone even though that's beyond messy (where's the fun in easy, eh?) but all in all life feels amazing. My friendships are stronger than ever, I feel more in love with what I do than ever before, I'm also more confident than ever and I've never been this inspired to create.
And I laugh.
All the time.
Follow your heart but also don't forget to take your mind into consideration as well. Don't listen to what others have to say because even though they might think they know what's best for you, the truth is only you are able to feel that. Follow your instincts, they know the right way and be willing to sacrifice it all at some point, if the change we're talking about is a huge one.
Only you know why you're making these choices.
Only you are responsible for your own future and happiness.
Create the life you're excited to live.
Live a life that makes you feel amazing.
Be greateful for all those little blessings in a day.
Open your heart and stop being afraid.
Open your eyes and become aware of the constant beauty that surrounds you.
Challenge yourself and know why you're fighting your battles.
Be brave, for yourself.
And remember - if it's hard then it's worth it.